The MALPerfection of Perfectionism  

Perfectionism has been associated with a number of mental health issues.  Individuals who struggle with perfectionism believe that they must achieve well beyond established standards and often beyond human capabilities.  Such demands place a great deal of stress on the individual.  Perfectionists generally end up feeling like failures despite (what may seem to others) incredible achievements.  They may appear to be driven individuals, always working to do things better and more completely.  Alternatively, they may avoid taking on many tasks feeling that it is pointless to try, as they will inevitably fail.  They fear both failure and success, as success increases demands upon them. They often procrastinate.  Others often see them as excessively critical which has a negative impact on their personal relationships.  Given their excessively high expectations they have difficulty delegating or sharing responsibility and end up being overworked and angry.  When they do delegate, they come across as controlling and interfering.  Having immense self-doubts and excessive concern over mistakes, they are often approval seeking.  Unable to feel approval, even when it is given, they may experience anger, depression, and social anxiety.  With obsessive attention to detail, they may actually get little accomplished despite vast investments of time and energy.  This behaviour leaves little time for personal relationships that they may avoid in any case for fear of criticism.  They have little time for enjoyment and derive less satisfaction from leisure activities, as once again, they are not doing them perfectly.  The stress of the demands they place on themselves increases arousal to the extent that it actually impairs their performance.  They may worry excessively and have problems with decision-making.   Self-esteem is poor.  They tend to think in all-or-nothing terms and are often rigid in their beliefs.  They may apply their perfectionistic beliefs to any area of their lives including work and home life, personal appearance, and relationships. 

As with any difficulty we face, in order to overcome the problem, we must first admit that it is there.  Given the all-or-nothing thinking of perfectionists, and their need to do things perfectly, embarking on the journey to change this pattern can be terrifying.  The task now becomes how to fix themselves perfectly.  They believe that if they are not perfect, then they are nothing.  It is difficult for perfectionists to grasp the concept of taking pride in their accomplishments and acknowledging when things are good enough.  Perfectionists need to set realistic and achievable goals.  Expectations of self and others need to be lowered to realistic levels.  They need to learn to gain pleasure from the process of doing rather than focusing solely on the outcome.  They need to learn to accept compliments without discounting them as well as learning to praise themselves for their efforts and accomplishments.  They need to show compassion for themselves as well as others and come to believe that it is OK to make mistakes.  Mistakes can be experiences for learning rather than indicating that an individual is a failure.  Hence it is important for perfectionists to begin to take risks and to try things at which they may not excel.   Perfectionists need to accept themselves as fallible human beings.

Showing perfectionists how their performance may actually be improved by abandoning their rigid and demanding beliefs, displaying to them the benefits of change, may aid in overcoming the fears and motivate them to address the problem.  Change requires altering the perfectionistic beliefs and negative core beliefs about self.  For some individuals, simply challenging and replacing the negative self-statements will bring significant change.  Others may need to address more deeply their feelings around such change, working through family-of-origin issues.  Individuals who reduce their perfectionism will display improved self-esteem, improved performance and efficiency, and experience happiness.  Relationships will improve and so too will physical health given the reduction in self-imposed stress.  Symptoms of depression and anxiety, obsessions and compulsions, eating disorders and anger problems may all be reduced.  Although it is hard work to make such changes to our deepest beliefs about ourselves, the rewards in health improvement and life satisfaction can be profound and well worth the effort.